There was once a time when all the experts insisted that marriage counseling was the most effective way to fix a broken marriage. Those couples that were ready to break off their marriage were told that the only way to make things right was to see a professional marriage counselor. While counseling has likely benefitted some couples, the hard truth is that it has done little for most.
Recently, studies have been performed analyzing the overall effectiveness of marriage counseling. Research and polling have been used to
determine what benefits, if any, couples receive from seeing a marriage counselor, or counseling team. The answer may come as a surprise to many, particularly those who have been stressed about the importance of such counseling in saving a marriage.
The reality is that marriage counseling is not only ineffective, but it can actually be detrimental to many marriages. While marriage counseling may work for some couples, the reality is that those couples benefitting from the counseling most likely didn’t need it in the first place. Marriage counseling truly only works for those couples willing to listen to each other, and work things out together. With that said, there are a variety of other more effective and less expensive alternatives to fixing a struggling marriage between such couples.
For those couples that have one spouse completely unwilling to attend marriage counseling, or are set on breaking off the marriage, there is little that marriage counseling can possibly do to fix the situation. Marriage counseling was intended for couples to work out issues together, and if only one person is willing to get anything out of the counseling experience, it will be entirely ineffective. In such a case, there are better alternatives that will not involve the cost of marriage counseling, and can actually be more effective at addressing the situation.
While in the past, it was believed that couples therapy, or marriage counseling was the ideal way to save a marriage on the fringe, the truth is that it, in and of itself, cannot fix a marriage. The only way that a broken marriage can truly be fixed is for both spouses to truly want to do whatever it takes to make their marriage work.
It is important for couples that are struggling with a broken marriage to intervene as early as possible if there is the desire to
save the relationship. While counseling may work, it may also create disdain and more stress in your relationship. Rather than simply reverting to couples therapy or marriage counseling to hopefully fix your broken marriage, it may be in your best interest to try an alternative.
Rather than focusing on the past issues that got you to this point in your marriage, it may be more effective to use a program that will
look forward with ways to improve your marriage. Whether your marriage is suffering from boredom, infidelity, addiction, poor communication, or a myriad of other reasons, there is hope that it can be saved without marriage counseling, but instead with an alternative program.
Each marriage is unique in its own way. While marriage counseling may work for some struggling marriages, it simply is not the most
effective option for the greater majority. If your marriage is on the rocks, it is best to look into all potential options to save your marriage rather than relying on ineffective couples therapy simply because everybody else has tried it.
The thing you need to know is that it is not too late to stop divorce. The break up of marriage is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and it is all too common. More than half of all marriages today will end in divorce. When you consider that divorce is commonly regarded as one of the most stressful events that can happen in a person’s life, even beyond the death of a dead one, this is a lot of heartache out there in the world.
The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop divorce. I won’t say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can’t expect to stop divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Step One: Find the Problem
You can’t stop divorce if you don’t know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Step Two: Fix the Problem
In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can’t fix the problem, then you can’t stop divorce. Some problems can’t be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don’t get solved is that they are never identified. But you’ve already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Step Three: Remember the Good Times
You’re going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.
Step Four: Start Over
The last step in your quest to stop divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop divorce. If you need more help, then don’t be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, and you need to be willing to use them to stop diovorce.